I mentioned in a previous post something about the book When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch. I wasn't actively reading it at the time, but the title sure impressed me.
Now I am reading it, and have decided to study it with the 5 older J's. I would encourage anyone and everyone to read this and especially to share it with their children (at least older kids.)
Some of the things I have been learning and thinking about based on this book are as follows:
EVERYONE struggles with issues of "fear of people" or peer pressure, or whatever it is called. Those who deny it are fooling themselves or too proud to acknowledge it.
My children all struggle with this in different ways - the boys different from the girls, and each of them different from each other. In our environment living here at the camp and homeschooling, this shows up in several key areas: their relationships with people from other churches (camp people) and their relationships with friends at our own church that they want to try to stay connected with. We had a really great conversation last week, and all of them shared how they struggle with this. I challenged them to remember that everyone deals with this and we need to treat all people with love, honor, and respect because of it.
I also thought of the many young people that I have tried to minister to and mentor over the years (most of them, quite unsuccessfully). Many of them were so busy needing people that they forgot that they needed God more.
Many of those young people at the time said that they loved God. But as I look back on it, they may have "loved" God by feeling a connection to the righteousness of God or the Church, but I don't think they "feared" God. In fact, they, just as I did at that age, had everything backwards. They emotionally "loved" God (or said they did), and feared people, instead of fearing God and loving people. Obviously we need to "love" God. But the Biblical idea of loving God by obeying God (Read 1 John) is different than the cultural idea of "love," which is all about how someone feels.
The book makes an emphasis on the fact that our sinful nature causes us to need people to determine our worth and fill us. The more that we need people, the more that we become a prisoner to them. I remember being at the age that my boys are right now, and how much I needed to fit in. I needed to wear the right clothes. I needed to listen to the right music. I needed to act like, think like, talk like and look like everyone else, so there wouldn't be any "handle" for anyone to grab and exploit. If I could just meld into the crowd, I would be safe. I didn't realize that I was making myself into a safe prisoner in a cage locked up and secured by the thoughts I thought people thought about me.
Oh, how I desperately, pitifully needed the approval of everyone! I needed approval from my friends and my parents and my brothers and my youth minister and everyone else (and they frequently had conflicting ideas about who I needed to be). I jumped through a lot of hoops to do all that - so many hoops that I forgot that I needed to need God first and foremost!
I really think that many Christians, (including myself in the past) don't really want to fear, need or trust God. Sure, we want fire insurance, but in the nitty gritty of life, do I trust God enough to choose to follow him instead of the crowd? Would I be like the three brave young guys in Daniel who refused to bow down to the idol? Or would I be more like all the other good people around them who were bowing down, justifying themselves the entire time? Do I need God more than I need my life?
If I need people, then I am in bondage to them. However, if I love people, and make the active but difficult choice to not need them or fear them, then I can treat others the way that God wants me to. I could never admonish someone I feared, and the Scripture says that we are to admonish one another. How could I share with anyone what they "need" the most - the gospel message, with all it's offense regarding our sinfulness - if I am crippled by the fear of what people think about me?
How can a leader lead in fear of people? How can a Christian teach others if he is afraid of what people think? How can I be a direct influence for Christ if I am afraid that people will think that I am an idiot? How can a dad lead his children to grow to be godly adults if he is afraid that his kids won't like him if he applies godly correction? How can a camp manager effective manage things if he is always afraid that someone won't like something?
I guess one of the applications of all this for me is this: If you are in my sphere of influence, I am going to love you more and fear you less. I am going to obey and follow God to the best of my ability. I am not going to worry about what you think of me. I am not going to try to impress you. I want to serve you and encourage you, but I don't need you to serve or encourage me.
I won't long for a pat on the back, an "atta-boy" or gushing praise. I am not going to need your kind words to bolster my view of myself. I will listen to you, but I don't need you to listen to me. I humbly ask for direction, correction, and admonishment, and I won't punish you for doing it.
God has already declared in His Word that I am His child, and that is enough for me. Who could add anything to that anyway? As a prince of the King, I am going to do my best to serve and love all those that God puts in my path.
Now I am reading it, and have decided to study it with the 5 older J's. I would encourage anyone and everyone to read this and especially to share it with their children (at least older kids.)
Some of the things I have been learning and thinking about based on this book are as follows:
EVERYONE struggles with issues of "fear of people" or peer pressure, or whatever it is called. Those who deny it are fooling themselves or too proud to acknowledge it.
My children all struggle with this in different ways - the boys different from the girls, and each of them different from each other. In our environment living here at the camp and homeschooling, this shows up in several key areas: their relationships with people from other churches (camp people) and their relationships with friends at our own church that they want to try to stay connected with. We had a really great conversation last week, and all of them shared how they struggle with this. I challenged them to remember that everyone deals with this and we need to treat all people with love, honor, and respect because of it.
I also thought of the many young people that I have tried to minister to and mentor over the years (most of them, quite unsuccessfully). Many of them were so busy needing people that they forgot that they needed God more.
Many of those young people at the time said that they loved God. But as I look back on it, they may have "loved" God by feeling a connection to the righteousness of God or the Church, but I don't think they "feared" God. In fact, they, just as I did at that age, had everything backwards. They emotionally "loved" God (or said they did), and feared people, instead of fearing God and loving people. Obviously we need to "love" God. But the Biblical idea of loving God by obeying God (Read 1 John) is different than the cultural idea of "love," which is all about how someone feels.
The book makes an emphasis on the fact that our sinful nature causes us to need people to determine our worth and fill us. The more that we need people, the more that we become a prisoner to them. I remember being at the age that my boys are right now, and how much I needed to fit in. I needed to wear the right clothes. I needed to listen to the right music. I needed to act like, think like, talk like and look like everyone else, so there wouldn't be any "handle" for anyone to grab and exploit. If I could just meld into the crowd, I would be safe. I didn't realize that I was making myself into a safe prisoner in a cage locked up and secured by the thoughts I thought people thought about me.
Oh, how I desperately, pitifully needed the approval of everyone! I needed approval from my friends and my parents and my brothers and my youth minister and everyone else (and they frequently had conflicting ideas about who I needed to be). I jumped through a lot of hoops to do all that - so many hoops that I forgot that I needed to need God first and foremost!
I really think that many Christians, (including myself in the past) don't really want to fear, need or trust God. Sure, we want fire insurance, but in the nitty gritty of life, do I trust God enough to choose to follow him instead of the crowd? Would I be like the three brave young guys in Daniel who refused to bow down to the idol? Or would I be more like all the other good people around them who were bowing down, justifying themselves the entire time? Do I need God more than I need my life?
If I need people, then I am in bondage to them. However, if I love people, and make the active but difficult choice to not need them or fear them, then I can treat others the way that God wants me to. I could never admonish someone I feared, and the Scripture says that we are to admonish one another. How could I share with anyone what they "need" the most - the gospel message, with all it's offense regarding our sinfulness - if I am crippled by the fear of what people think about me?
How can a leader lead in fear of people? How can a Christian teach others if he is afraid of what people think? How can I be a direct influence for Christ if I am afraid that people will think that I am an idiot? How can a dad lead his children to grow to be godly adults if he is afraid that his kids won't like him if he applies godly correction? How can a camp manager effective manage things if he is always afraid that someone won't like something?
I guess one of the applications of all this for me is this: If you are in my sphere of influence, I am going to love you more and fear you less. I am going to obey and follow God to the best of my ability. I am not going to worry about what you think of me. I am not going to try to impress you. I want to serve you and encourage you, but I don't need you to serve or encourage me.
I won't long for a pat on the back, an "atta-boy" or gushing praise. I am not going to need your kind words to bolster my view of myself. I will listen to you, but I don't need you to listen to me. I humbly ask for direction, correction, and admonishment, and I won't punish you for doing it.
God has already declared in His Word that I am His child, and that is enough for me. Who could add anything to that anyway? As a prince of the King, I am going to do my best to serve and love all those that God puts in my path.
